Another Beginning or Ending
by xCherryx
Summary: (Finally UPDATED! YAY! Part 4!) Mimi heart was always Tai's, but when she returns home, everything is very different...((Rating changed due to some language and smooching, Please R&R, I'll be your best friend ^.~))
1. Part 1

1 Author's note: Okay so I wrote this sooooo long ago . But I hope it's still okay! And yeah! So please review! Oooh or even flame it! Flames are amusing ^.~ Anyhoo, tell me whatcha think, I have continuing parts up, I think they're better, but I dunno, Thankies!! *strikes a pose* Oooh yeah, I dun own Digimon (well duh) and yeah! ~*Much huggles n luv to you all!*~  
  
2  
  
3 Prologue  
  
A cool breeze surrounds my body as I stare off into the sea. I feel the mist of the sea gently kissing my face, the chill of the ocean washing up on my toes. I breathe imagining his face, his arms wrapped around me, his caress against my cheek, his clear blue eyes looking deep into mine, his spiked blonde hair tousled by the wind.  
  
I had come here trying to forget him, to let the pure beauty of the sea and the sparkle of the white sand erase my memory of him, my memory of even the mere presence of him. The salty smell of the air to wipe out the smell of his cologne, the sound of the waves to make me forget the sound of his voice, everything around was supposed to make me forget…but why was I still holding on? Still I was dreaming of him, and instead of making me forget, being here seemed to make me remember, everything reminded me of him.  
  
"You should always be true to what you know and feel Mimi. Too much of the time we all hide behind our faces which can lie just as easily as spoken words." He told me this so long ago and at the time, I never really thought much about it. He was always known to be the one who never showed his feelings, the one who hid behind a wall. But now that all is said and done, I realize that Matt was the only one of us who really was true to him self; it was all of us who were pretending and hiding our true feelings.  
  
I close my eyes and breathe in deeply, letting the air stream through my hair, my memory was all that was left of something so beautiful, not even the natural beauty of the sea could compare. Though unlike the undying beauty of the sea, our relationship had come to a close. I couldn't say it was end; for nothing really ends, nor does my hope that someday we'll be back together. Until then I'll go on, dreaming, till the day when I see him next, that we won't have to say goodbye, we'll be together, Yamato Ishida and Mimi Tachikawa.  
  
  
  
3.1 Part 1  
  
Love was always a mystery to me, like one of those shining stars you gaze up at as a child and accept that it is there, but don't know why. But when I had met him, everything seemed to make sense. Tai; my childhood sweetheart.  
  
Every time he would look at me with his puppy brown eyes, I knew everything would be okay; there was nothing in the world that could hurt me. Like a warm blanket and the hot fudge poured over sundae, our love came just as simple and sweet. But things changed, I don't think he even fully realized it at the time, but I noticed that our relationship was turning out to be nothing more than a simple friendship. He'd kiss me sometimes, but often they were so brotherly it hurt. Maybe we were just too young, or maybe I just loved him too much. When I told him I had to go away, he suggested we ended it, that maybe we could pick up again when I returned. It hurt, but I agreed with him, the sooner the better.  
  
He wrote me everyday after that. His letters so simple and easygoing, it made me happy and just as sad all the same. He would ramble about his day, how he and Matt had got in an argument in the middle of a department store and ended up knocking over several of the mannequins-Sora had only giggled and apologized profusely to the store manager for ever bringing them shopping with her-Tai and Matt hated shopping anyway.  
  
I laughed as I reread the letter. I was on the plane ride home, and my heart, or maybe more like my stomach, was filled with anxiety. It had been only been a year, but from everything Sora had told me over the phone, I felt as though I had missed a whole lifetime. That wasn't the only thing that bothered me though. Even if it had been a whole year, I wasn't sure if I was over him.  
  
I clutched my pink carry-on bag till my knuckles turned white, biting my lip as I stared around the busy terminal full of people hauling luggage, greeting their families and friends, snoozing or waiting for late flights. For one dreadful second I feared they had all forgotten, or even worse, didn't care. That was until I saw them.  
  
I first saw Kari sitting in one of tacky orange airport chairs, letting a brightly colored paper sign dangle between her fingers reading: "Hurray! Welcome home Mimi!!!!" written in bold marker. Everyone else stood and was chatting among each other and too looked around the terminal. I held my breath and started walking over to them. Of course, it was Sora who saw me first waving her arm frantically in the air while simultaneously running in my direction. Before I knew it, I was in a warm embrace of friendship when suddenly all of them were around me. I laughed between tears listening to the jumble of voices from everyone talking at once; it was then that I realized just how much I had missed everyone. It wasn't till everyone had quieted down that I noticed Matt standing off a little to the side. He smiled at me, but he had the queerest expression on his face, I tried as hard as I could to try to read into his thoughts but alas no avail. I couldn't help wondering if he missed me while I was gone, for I had never received a letter from him, though Matt and I had never been that close. He'd always been a friend but never before had I ever talked to him much, his silent equanimity always intimidated me, for I guess I never felt that I was deep enough to try to understand.  
  
There had been only one time I really sat and talked to him but it was only for a moment, not long before I went away. I had just gotten out of my make up exams and walked along the empty hallways past the gym, listening to the echo of my footsteps, when I saw him through the small window in the gym door. He was sitting all alone on the edge of the stage, his legs hanging off the edge. It was hours after school had ended, and many of the other students were getting out their clubs and heading home, but he was still there. I remember he looked so lonely I couldn't have just walked by. I crept silently across the gym to his side; I didn't even think he had noticed me until I placed a hand on his shoulder. He jerked his head up and looked at me in a disoriented way. I could have cried from the look of anguish on his face, though it quickly dissolved when he focused on me.  
  
"Hey…" He mused, some how, managing to keep his cool composure.  
  
"Matt…what are you doing here?" I asked, trying to keep my voice as calm as his sounded, though it faltered.  
  
He shrugged slightly before he leaned back resting his weight on his hands and looked at me. "Just thinking about some things."  
  
"About what?" I asked, jumping up so I could too sit on the stage next to him. He must have read something on my face that told him I was worried, for his face softened slightly.  
  
"It's nothing for you too be worried about Mimi. Lets just say," He paused looking thoughtful then turned back to me, "I'm writing another song." He half smiled then looking somewhat wistful as if he knew some secret that I couldn't possibly understand.  
  
"It must be sad…" I whispered looking down at my hands. "For you looked so sad Matt. I would like to hear it though. Will you play it for me?"  
  
He nodded offhandedly, "When it's done, maybe."  
  
I smiled at this and jumped off the stage back onto my feet. I grabbed a hold of his hand and held onto it, forcing him to look at me. "Not maybe, definitely!"  
  
"Definitely?"  
  
"Ah see!" I giggled teasingly, "that's better! Now you have to read it to me!"  
  
He laughed dryly at this not saying anything more, and then he stood up to leave, leaving me with my thoughts.  
  
I never talked him again after that. The last time I saw him was when I said goodbye to everyone; and now, here he was.  
  
I must have stared at him too long for her caught me looking at him and our eyes locked. His eyes alone seemed to speak volumes when his mouth spoke none. Everything around me seemed to vanish but his eyes. They were like getting a glimpse of the bluest sea and just as deep. Why hadn't I ever noticed those eyes before?  
  
Tai's voice cut into my thoughts and I watched, somewhat disappointedly, as Matt looked away fixing his gaze elsewhere.  
  
"Man Mimi you look great!" Tai's cheerful voice rang out as he wrapped me in a warm embrace. A slight blush rose to my cheeks and I smiled brightly; though I wasn't sure whether or not he was teasing.  
  
"Wow Tai," I laughed slightly, "your taste HAS improved, and here I thought only your looks had."  
  
He faked a scowl at me; in return I just stuck my tongue out at him.  
  
"It's true though Tai," I glowed leaning into him. "You have improved, you look just like a handsome prince, someone from a fairy tale."  
  
His eyes looked amused by my remark and a sly grin creeped up on his face. "And you Mimi, as always, seem like a princess."  
  
I laughed at this throwing my arms around him once more; even though I had missed him unbearable I could never be sad around him. I blushed slightly though when it occurred to me he'd been holding me for a little too long. I pulled away and smiled sneaking small peeks at him while everyone continued on chatting. For when I had said his looks had improved I wasn't kidding. Tai had grown up considerably since I had last seen him. Everything about him still looked very much the same but his face had grown more masculine looking, along with his shoulders and arms, and he was a great deal more handsome. He still had his wild mass of dark brown hair, but the way it just barely fell into his eyes gave him a very appealing look. I had to bite my lip to snap me back into reality. He's not mine any more remember? I shouldn't think of Tai in such a way.  
  
"Hey Mimi!" Kari beamed. "Notice anything different about me?"  
  
I looked down to see Kari smiling in a shy but mischievous way. I didn't notice it at first, but Kari had grown up quite a bit while I was away. Her hair curled flatteringly under her chin and long dark lashes brushed her defined cheeks. I smiled at her before answering. "Yes Kari you look lovely, you're practically all grown up now! I bet the guys can't keep away from you." She giggled at this and then I leaned in closer to her to whisper in her ear. "Has Takeru asked you out yet?"  
  
I watched as Kari turned beet red and cast her eyes to the floor. "Not yet."  
  
I giggled at this before I added, "maybe I can do some influencing hmm?"  
  
Later, during the drive to my home, I had secretly overheard from Izzy and T.K talking that there would be a surprise party for me later that night. And what a party it turned out to be! A giddy almost drunk feeling seemed to come over me the minute I sauntered into Sora's apartment. All of my dear friends were crammed in there including all the people I knew from school, even Jyou who wasn't the biggest fan of huge get togethers, had come just for me. It wasn't long before people welcoming me home surrounded me.  
  
"Aren't you glad your back?" Sora giggled putting an arm around my shoulder. "Who else would throw you such a great party?"  
  
"Oh Sora! You're the best!" I cried hugging her. I felt warm tears come to my eyes but I quickly stopped them so they wouldn't ruin the hours of preparation I had put into my looks. I didn't know of anyone who had been more vigilant then I was when it came to getting ready. I had spent all my free time between coming home and coming here, by soaking in perfumed bath water followed by delicately painting my nails, spending endless minutes painting my face with makeup and curling my pink hair eloquently. My dress was short, black with pink sheer ruffles floating down barely touching mid thigh. I don't think there was a guy in the room who didn't take notice of me almost immediately. It was Tai though who won my attention.  
  
He was the first who broke through the crowd to get to me. He wrapped his strong arms around my waist and swung me around.  
  
"Welcome home Mimi." He said in my ear, for the room had suddenly grown louder from music and people laughing and talking. He looked to see if I was pleased and smiled big at me in his own charming, yet goofy way, when he saw that I was giggling.  
  
Out of habit I placed a quick kiss on his cheek and gazed coyly up at him through my long lashes. He kissed me back eagerly and then picked me and spun me some more.  
  
"Please don't!" I giggled. "If I throw up on Sora's carpet she'll kill me!"  
  
He laughed and put me down. "Oh yeah that's right, Sora was looking for ya!"  
  
"Oooh, okay! I'll be back though." I said casting a quick wink over my shoulder before I disappeared into the crowd.  
  
I searched all over but I couldn't find her anywhere. I walked around on the tips of my toes trying to get a peek above everyone's heads to see where she had gone. I should have been paying attention to where I was going, but instead I tripped and crash-landed right on top of someone.  
  
"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!" I cried out somewhat embarrassed, as I tried to climb off of the poor guy I fell on. Still kneeling, I watched as he sat up and to my utmost horror I realized who it was. Matt sat up shaking his head a little before finally focusing his eyes on me. I bit my bottom lip for some reason I felt more than just a little embarrassed. His gaze drifted from my face down to my dress, up to my hair, and then he stared into my eyes. I could feel myself flush bright red under his gaze, making me want to look down, but somehow I couldn't make myself look away from those intense fiery blue eyes.  
  
A cool smile flowed across his face as he raised an eyebrow at me before he stood up and brushed himself off. Only then did he offer a hand to me.  
  
I held my breath as I took his hand letting him slowly raise me off the ground. His fingertips just barely lingered on my hand, but I could feel the soft warmth of them. I looked up into his face and for a brief second I saw a flicker of something in his eyes. Longing? I blinked a few times feeling confused, but when I looked again whatever it was I saw, was gone.  
  
"You alright?" He asked looking down into my face. I felt as though I had just run a marathon my heart was beating so fast.  
  
"I-I'm fine!" I stammered, really having to force myself to look and sound casual. Unfortunately for me, I had a horrible habit of stuttering whenever I got nervous, and of course then, I was feeling incredibly nervous. "I'm actually totally glad that I ran into you! Err…that is I didn't mean to actually run into you, but I mean, well ya know right?" I ended lamely, and tried to giggle off some of my embarrassment while inwardly I kicked myself. It wouldn't have been so bad if he had stopped looking at me.  
  
"Right," He laughed faintly. "I get the point."  
  
I would have continued to feel stupid when it had suddenly occurred to me that I had actually made him laugh. Well, I did kind of.  
  
"I am really glad you came though." I said, shyly smiling at him while looking through lowered lashes.  
  
I noticed his lips curved up a little bit into a half way smile as I said this. He actually looked really cute when he smiled.  
  
"Yeah, well actually Mimi I just wanted to…"  
  
I took a step closer to him as he spoke for the volume in the room seemed to increase. I was close enough to him to be able to smell the cologne that drifted off him, a soft musky scent that reminded me of rain, and a chance to really study his face. His hair spiked out in every direction and cast flattering shadows on his face. Maybe I had moved a little too close or maybe I was starring at him to intently for, I wasn't sure whether or not it was my imagination, but somehow he looked a little self-conscious as his eyes met mine. Never before had I seen them look the way they did then, they actually seemed soft; I could almost see into them past the reflection of myself I could see. It could have been lights, or maybe just the atmosphere of the music playing and the din of people talking in the back round, but somehow I felt like a spell had been cast and time had frozen just for the two of us.  
  
I never got to hear what Matt was going to say, for out of the blue, Tai appeared, breaking the spell that I never wanted to end.  
  
"Yo Matt! Mimi!" He yelled cheerfully. He came up to me and wrapped his arms around my waist in a playful way and to my disbelief, planted a kiss on my cheek.  
  
"This has been a great party Mimi!" He beamed. I smiled back at him glad he was happy, but Matt didn't seem to look at all too pleased.  
  
His eyes glanced briefly at Tai and his arm around my waist, then his eyes rested back on me. I could have sworn that an angry, even jealous look seemed to play hide and seek in his eyes, for the softness they had held only moments before were gone. It was then when he reached in his pocket and took out a yellow folded piece of lined paper and tossed it at me.  
  
"Here Mimi, this is for you." He spoke almost coldly, and no longer looked my way, "Welcome home." Then he stormed off. His words left me feeling confused and shaken. I could do nothing but cling to that paper and watch as he disappeared into the mass of people. Tai of course didn't notice that awkward feeling in that air that was so clear to me.  
  
"So Mimi,"  
  
I turned my attention back to Tai and painted a happy smile on my face. "Yes?"  
  
"I've been thinking." He said hesitantly. I then took notice of how Tai actually looked a little nervous. His dark brows furrowed together in worry and his brown eyes seemed as though they were a whirlpool of emotions. "Could we possibly talk somewhere?"  
  
I smiled at him suddenly feeling a bit relieved that we could go get some fresh air, and agreed to let him walk with me outside onto the balcony. The air felt cool, and few clouds were rolling in the sky, a perfect night indeed. I turned, leaning against the railing, to look over at Tai. He looked so unguarded and vulnerable, as if the fate of the world were on his shoulders.  
  
"Tai, are you okay?"  
  
"Mimi," He started as he leaned against the railing and looked off at the city lights. "I thought a lot about you while you were away."  
  
"Oh yeah…" I murmured, a strange feeling had come over me and suddenly this whole conversation was beginning to feel too surreal.  
  
"It just seemed that after you left," Tai continued. "Nothing was really the same. Sora had tried to keep everyone together but whenever we were, something was missing…I know it was because you weren't there."  
  
I was really beginning to blush then, suddenly having a hard time thinking of something to say.  
  
"Is that the only reason you missed me?"  
  
I looked over at him and I could tell just how nervous he was; I was feeling exactly the same way.  
  
He coughed and rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes starring down. "Well I guess that's not the only reason, I just well…Heh, I'm no good at this."  
  
I began to fidget with my hair when I heard the sound of something falling to the ground when I remembered the note Matt had given me. I leaned down and picked it up, and slowly unfolded it to read its contents.  
  
"He' remembered…" I whispered as my eyes scanned the folded sheet. I couldn't stop my hands from shaking; so many emotions seemed to tear at me all at once as I read the contents of it over again:  
  
You've been alone for a long time  
  
You wonder if things are really gonna be okay  
  
Just how long does it take to make the pain go away?  
  
Like being lost in the darkness  
  
When will I see the light?  
  
Like falling tears in the ocean  
  
Once you loose them  
  
You can never find them again.  
  
Will it always be like this?  
  
Does anyone really care?  
  
When dreams are shattered  
  
How does the light shine through?  
  
You keep searching for someone  
  
You find her  
  
You don't know what to do  
  
Is she sincere?  
  
Is she the one for you?  
  
Can her soft eyes lead you to the light?  
  
Or are you…separated…like day and night  
  
Like being lost in the darkness  
  
When will I see the light?  
  
Like falling tears in the ocean  
  
Once you loose them  
  
You can never find them again.  
  
Will it always be like this?  
  
Or will she…really care?  
  
  
  
Mimi,  
  
I'm sorry I never wrote you while you were gone, I just didn't know what to say. I know that's a lame excuse but it's all I got. I hope you can look past that and know that I did think of you. I know you probably don't remember this, but this is the song I wrote that I said I'd let you hear. It's not my best, and I never did finish it, but hey, I kept my word right? (Though I would prefer it if you'd keep this to yourself, I'm sure you of all people understand why.) Thanks for being an awesome friend, and even though I didn't write to you personally, you've truly inspired me to write many great things. You are a wonderful person and I'm seriously glad your back. Welcome home Mimi.  
  
Ishida, Yamato "Matt"  
  
It was so beautiful. No boy had ever written me anything like that before. Tiny trickles slipped down my cheeks. Matt actually thought of me? But why didn't he ever say anything before. And most of all, why me? I always thought Matt hated me.  
  
At that moment I wanted nothing more than to run to him and wrap my arms tightly around him and never let go. That was the most he had ever said to me, and I knew, was more about himself than he's ever said to anyone. But just thinking about him caused my heart to race. My fingers shook slightly as I bit my lip and prayed Tai wasn't worrying.  
  
When I finally began to calm down I noticed Tai had kneeled in front of me with a look of helplessness on his face. I began to feel bad for him, for me. For in his eyes his feelings were so evident he didn't have to tell me anything, I already knew. I love you too Tai, but please don't love me too much, I'm suddenly confused now. I should be happy Tai wants me back, but there's something about Matt. What was I going to do? 


	2. Part 2

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AN/ Okies! Some brief changes here in this part, very much worth reading...I think ^^;;;; But yeah! The next part is a bit more funny if you reread this. So yes! Please enjoy! And Please pweeeeaaassse Review! I'll be your best friend ^.~

Disclaimer: This disclaimer is lame, cause technically this has nothing to do with Digimon other than the characters...but even their personalities are technically mine! So ha ha ha! *smiles innocently*

Oooh and thanks to Rain Doe for being my muse!! And all you cute people who reviewed!!----------3

Part 2

The month that followed my life carried on as it usually did. Time seemed to move fast once you fall into a routine. The only thing that changed was my relationships with Tai and Matt. 

When the party had ended that night, Tai walked me home after helping Sora clean up. It was late so the streets were empty and quiet, only adding to my melancholy feelings. Tai never told me straight out that he had feelings for me, but I knew. He didn't ask what was in the note Matt had given me, something intuitively must have told him, for he never finished our conversation.

"Hey," He murmured with a slightly teasing tone. "It's just a piece of paper right? You don't have to cry about it."

I laughed and rubbed my eyes not caring how raccoon smudged they probably looked. He just smiled at me, though his eyes looked sad, and wiped the tears from my eyes. I tried my best to smile back at him, but it was a weak smile. 

"Are you alright now?" He asked, though it was in a serious voice I didn't recognize.

"Yes." I whispered looking down at ground far below. "I'm sorry Tai, I didn't mean to get like that." 

When I managed to look back up at him, the look on his face showed that he understood. I reached out and took his hand, twining my fingers with his, trying to comfort the pain I knew he was feeling. He gave me a comforting smile and pulled me to him hugging me close. And as I laid my head on his boyish chest I couldn't help but think how wonderful it felt to be held by him again, like how it used to be. 

"It's all good Mimi." He said in my ear, his voice sounded back to normal. "Lets go back to the party, everyone is probably wondering where the Princess was taken to."

I followed him inside looking around to see that a lot of people had already left, and to my dismay Matt had gone also. Sora would be the one who told me later as I left, that she had seen Matt stalk out of the room without even saying so much as a word to anyone. I wished desperately that I could have talked to him. Though the more I thought about it the more I realized what would I say? 

As Tai and I continued to walk I sneaked glances at him to see if he ever looked at me. He just stared casually around though his eyebrows were slightly furrowed together though he grinned at me whenever he caught me looking at him.

"So whatcha thinking about Tai? You look very serious." I teased putting a mock serious expression on my face. 

He laughed and met my eyes with a challenging look. "I'm thinking you're about to run into a trashcan if you continue skipping backwards like that."

I stopped and turned to see a trashcan less then a few inches away from me. I giggled at this and turned back to him, pleased that he was now smiling. 

"Thanks for the warning. I would have smelled worse than you without showering after a soccer game." I teased.

"Hey!" He said indignantly. "That's a natural manly scent from hard work and dedication to the game."

I blinked disbelievingly. "Hard work huh? How's chasing a cute little ball around hard work, or manly?"

He glared at me before he faked a swipe for my waist as I laughed and jumped around him all the while sticking my tongue out.

"Some charmer you are!" I muttered and then posed all dramatically. "Good thing my apartment is right here who knows what you'd do to an innocent and sweet girl like me!"

"Oh come on Mimi." Tai pleaded looking helpless and puppy like as he followed behind me tail between his legs style while I dashed up the front steps to my building. When I got to the top step I stood and looked down at him. He stood on the step just below mine with a big lopsided grin on his face as I leaned in closer. This time it was my turn to surprise him by planting a quick kiss on his forehead. 

"Good night Tai." 

He just stood there for a second and blinked, before he too wished me good night and walked away. I stood at the top of the step watching him leave till I could no longer hear the echo of his footsteps on the pavement. I smiled thoughtfully before I went into my building. It truly felt like nothing had changed, though with Tai everything was so purely happy and just plain…simple.

I started school again with the rest of my friends, and between trying to catch up, I often searched the halls at school trying to find Matt. The few times I actually saw him, he barely even acknowledged that I was there. It didn't take any more then that to know he was avoiding me. That hurt, a lot, but it made me all the more determined to talk to him. No boy ever ignored Mimi Tachikawa, especially one who even knows who I am!

The buzz had hit that Matt was having his first concert of the year and anyone who was anyone was going to go. I had remain oblivious about it until Tai came up to my locker one day and asked me t go with him.

"Come on Mimi please!" He pleaded in an overly dramatic voice that drew odd looks from other students passing by and put quite a bit of effort on my part not to laugh. "Matt specifically said that I had to be there! I don't wanna go alone, but he's counting on me!" His eyes grew teary as he clung to my arm. "Don't you see that you have to go with me? No guy as cool a myself can go to a club without a pretty girl!"

I tried to hold my laughter in for at the moment he was far from being a cool guy. Though how could I have possibly refused? When I finally cracked and broke into a fit of giggles, Tai smiled widely knowing full well I had caved.

"Okay, okay," I said between laughs. "I get the point I'll go."

He swooped in and kissed my hand playfully before he stood again with a triumphant grin on his face. "Then I will gladly be there to pick you up Saturday, around eight."

The night of Matt's concert, oddly, I dreaded to go. Intuition seemed to be trying to tell me something for even as I stepped into Tai's car I trembled; though when I looked up into Tai's face all my fears seemed to fly away like butterfly's caught in a breeze. He looked amazing considering how casual he was dressed. I couldn't place what it was about him in just simple black baggy pants and a loose shirt thrown over, but he looked better than I had ever seen him before. I kept telling myself that it wasn't from the long look of adoration that shone in his eyes when he saw me.

Tai's car spat and sputtered the whole way there, but Tai had turned on the radio to drown out the noise. A familiar rock song came on and Tai sung to it in a voice that surprised me. His voice wasn't as good as say Yamato Ishida's, but it was rich and happy sounding, more than just pleasing to the ears. As he sung he would cast glances in my direction and smile disarmingly whenever he saw that I was too looking at him. Just watching him put a permanent smile plastered on my face and made me feel entirely light. Being with him did that to me, and even though we were in his beat up car listening to music that was far from being romantic, I felt happier and more content than I had felt in a long time. Somehow, without my realizing it, my hand had found it's way over to his hand resting on the stick shift and stayed there until we arrived at the club.

Sweaty bodies all moved trance like to the steady pulse of the beat that sang out through clouds of smoke and colored lights. The jingle of chinking glasses could be mildly heard as waitresses in long aprons carried trays of drinks to the lit booths around the dance floor; each glass reflecting the rainbow of lights that danced from the ceiling with the people below. None of these things around me were as beautiful as that heavenly rich voice the rose above everything. I could do nothing but stand transfixed at how amazing Matt was and I couldn't take my eyes off of him even as Tai and I worked our way through the moving wave of people. Matt's hair was plastered to his forehead as his fingers strummed madly over the strings of his guitar, I could tell he was lost in his own world of music.

"Mimi!" I heard Tai yell over the loud music, bringing my attention back to him. "I can see the others over there together." He said pointing to a booth off to the side of the club.

"Go on ahead." I yelled back. "I'll catch up, I want to dance first!"

"I'll join you in a bit!" He smiled with a mock come-hither gaze and winked at me before he disappeared into the crowd. 

I let the music take over me as I danced my way through the crowd. Several people dancing near me smiled approvingly as I danced near them and jumped around happily to the music. For I awhile I stopped thinking and just moved to the beat letting the free feeling the music cast a spell over me. I felt as though I became one with the music, my body moved as though it flowed with the same energy that Matt used as he created his music. I continued to loose myself within my dancing until the feeling that someone was watching snapped me out of my daze. 

Still moving I looked around to find who was watching me dance. Everyone was just dancing contently no one really paying much attention to anyone else. I looked up at the stage and found what I was looking for. Matt's eyes gazed soul searchingly into me even as he was singing. 

My breath caught in the back of my throat, the will to dance left me and all I could do was stare spell bound back up at him. Even as his song ended and the room was filled with cheers and applause, his eyes never left sight of me. 

As he strut of the stage at the end of his show, Matt's fan girls either mobbed him or stood a safe distance away giggling and squealing amongst each other. Matt was mobbed so badly that the bouncers from the club had to force their large arms between the girls to get them to stop. 

I had found my way to the secluded neon lit booth that rose a few steps above over looking the dance floor where Sora, Kari, Tai, and Takeru sat sipping on their drinks through small, red plastic straws. Drips of condensation, formed on their glasses, slowly dripped down onto cardboard coasters resting next to stacks off empty and unused ashtrays. 

I sat uneasily on the other side of Tai playing my fingers nervously through the pink strands of hair that were now slightly damp with sweat from the dancing I had done. Sora had intrigued Tai into a conversation on soccer and occasionally I heard him or her laugh at something they said. The ache only increased when I saw him lean his face closer into her so she could better hear the story he was enthusiastically telling. He's not mine remember? If he likes Sora I should be happy.

I watched Takeru glancing at Kari whenever she wasn't looking, and even as she caught him, sending him a shy smile when their eyes met. The ache seemed to grow worse.

Matt finally worked his way through the crowd of adoring fans to our booth, sliding into a spot next to Takeru right across from me. 

Takeru tore himself away from looking at Kari and gave his brother a hearty pat on the back. "Matt, as always, you were awesome up there!"

"Thanks," He said casually flicking a glance at me. I began to wonder if maybe the club had suddenly gotten warmer. 

"Yeah Matt," Tai jeered, "I almost believed it was you singing! Ouch!" Matt kicked him under the table. 

Kari giggled then looked shyly over at T.K. "I think I'm going to go dance." She climbed over Sora and Tai and I stood to move out of her way. Takeru looked longingly after her as she walked down the steps onto the floor. 

I smiled and laughed at this making Takeru look over at me with confusion written on his face. I leaned over to him still smiling. "I think that's a hint for you to follow."

His cheeks reddened slightly, but he sent a confident grin at me before he too excused himself.

Matt ordered a drink as a waitress came by out table to give me a new cherry coke with its sugar dyed red, maraschino cherries. I took a small sip and stared out onto the dance floor. A slow trance song was playing and Kari and Takeru were wrapped in each other's arms swaying to the mystical music. Once again I felt that horrible ache in my chest, which soon turned into the tangible feeling of loneliness, and once again I felt his eyes on me. I looked over at him directly meeting his stare, daring my heart to skip, daring him to look away, and daring myself not to be afraid. If a mere gaze could physically pierce ones heart, his would have done just that. 

Sora glanced back and forth between Matt and I all the while running her tongue over her lips in thought.

"Tai," She said turning to him suddenly, giving him a bewitching smile. "Come dance with me please?" She pleaded giving him soft puppy looking eyes; I almost expected to hear her whimpering.

He grinned and set his drink he was chugging only seconds before down on the table. "All right then! I will be honored to escort thou to the dance floor Mi'lady." He said trying to mimic an old English accent, but failing badly.

Sora giggled as he took her hand and crawled out of the booth and under the sticky table. She quickly dragged him away but not before he sent one last glance at me, smiling one of those same secret smiles Takeru and Kari had been giving each other.

I could feel my cheeks become warm and I quickly took a long sip from my drink praying Matt didn't notice. After setting my drink down I looked up at him to see his face briefly illuminated from the flash of the flame from his lighter as (to my surprise) he lit a cigarette. I watched him as he took a drag and exhaled the smoke slowly, letting the smoke coil and curl around his fingers and hair. My gaze drifted. The collar on his shirt was unbuttoned exposing a great amount of his neck and hints of his chest, glistening with the trace of sweat.

"I really loved your show Matt," my fingers fidgeted under the table, "I never new you sang so beautifully." 

He turned his attention back to me, the colored lights shone and reflected all over him giving his hair a halo that looked of soft rainbow feathers, his eyes glittered like the sea at sunset; I wanted to tell him that he too was beautiful.

"Thanks." He simply replied and slicked the loose hair that fell into his eyes back with his hand, relaxing against the vinyl cushion of the booth.

"Matt can I ask you something?" I started as I fiddled with my straw trying to ignore my stomach as it slowly twisted and untwisted inside me. 

"Yeah." He said coolly, giving a little nod and staring out at the floor absentmindedly ashing his cigarette.

"Who are your songs about?" I asked leaning in slightly trying to get his attention.

"You can't figure it out yourself?" He asked cynically as he raised his eyebrow at me, but then looked quickly away. I bit my lip, feeling angry at him for making me feel stupid. Oh how I wished then that I could be as bright and funny as Sora so I could put a smile on his face, or as openly sweet as Kari and send him shy glances across the table, but I was stuck being me.

"Oh I see." I nodded throwing a glance over at the mob of fan girls surging against the strong arms of the bouncers. "So which fan-girl is it about this week? How about that blonde one flashing us a view of her best qualities--of which she seems to have an abundance."

I wondered as soon as that escaped my lips if I had really said that out loud. Obviously I had struck a nerve of shock that not even the mighty Matt Ishida could hide, but seeing his shock turn to anger I bit my tongue. Yup I really did say it. Oh why can't I be more like Jyou who thought before he spoke, never saying anything that tactless or nearly as stupid as that.

"So what if it is?" He tilted his head to the side, his eyes narrowing on me. I definitely got his attention.

"Is that a yes then?" I asked already digging myself to deep to get out of the hole I had dug.

"Do you like Tai?" 

His question felt like an icy blow; my throat tightened making me have to clear it before I could answer him.

"What does that have anything to do with anything?" I replied, wondering all the while how this wonderful night had suddenly fallen to crap.

He frowned turning his eyes away from me. "Exactly."

__

What? I was completely lost on his line of reasoning. After a brief moment and I still I didn't answer he rose and dropped some cash on the table to pay for his drink. 

"If that's all Mimi, excuse me." 

My heart seemed to be stuck in my throat and I bit my lip hard trying not to feel anything as I watched him stalk down the steps like an angry panther, and disappear into the moving mound of people, which now streamed and slithered to the quick beat that vibrated throughout the club. The whole building looked to be alive and moving. I closed my eyes and sighed heavily feeling dizzy from staring into the mass too long hoping that somehow if I stared long enough I would see Matt emerge again. I let my head collapse into my hands. What was wrong with me?


	3. Part 3

AN: Hiyee everyone! That is..if theres still anyone out there? ^.^;;;; Finally here is the update!! It took me forever I know and I'm soooo sorry, but hopefully it's worth the wait! Thank you sooo much to those of you who reviewed! It makes me so happy!! You guys rock the casbah more than the clash baby! Tee hee hee.

Once again, please review and be totally honest! I like bluntness! ^.~ Much love!  
  
Disclaimer: Oookay...ditto to the last thing I wrote on the last chapter! =P

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Part 3

"So what do you think Mimi?" Sora chirped as she swung her book bag while she walked.

I jerked my head up to look at her just then realizing she had been talking. It was only Thursday, and Saturday night seemed almost a lifetime ago, although I still liked to torment myself by thinking about how foolish I'd been. 

"What do I think?" I echoed, starring at her blankly. We were walking home together, a tradition we had started since grade school, and I had been so lost in my thoughts that I had almost forgotten she was with me.

"You know, about my idea for this weekend?" She said.

"Oh right," I stammered. "Your idea."

"You weren't listening were you?" She giggled slightly. "Earth to Mimi, where have you been girl? You've been in this weird haze all day. In class you didn't even notice when you got spit wads thrown in your hair."

I sighed with disgust and began thoroughly running my fingers through my hair while Sora laughed.

"I'm sorry Sora, I really am, I just have a lot on my mind that's all."

She gave me a sympathetic look and smiled. "Well how about we get together this weekend, get a bunch of junk food, and watch some movies. We'll have an old fashioned sleep over, I know it'll make you feel better."

I smiled at her. "Thanks Sora, I'd appreciate that."

"What are friends for?" She giggled. "I gotta cruise though, see you later Mimi!"

I sighed as I watched her bounce off, everything always seemed to work out so easily for Sora.

The whole week had been a royal mess. All week long I'd been determined to talk to Matt and make things right between us--though I had no idea of what I'd actually say if I got the chance. Tai had mentioned in passing that Matt had band practice Wednesday night in the schools gym, and I suddenly had an overwhelming urge to stay after school and catch up on my psychics. After an hour sitting the library chewing on pencils and staring restlessly up at the clock, I had decided to take a little stroll to the water fountain, and of course the best tasting water from any of the school fountains was conveniently next to the gym. After briefly dipping my lips in the fountain I'd straightened up and casually craned my neck to the side to peer into the window of the gym door. A deep frown had sagged my face as I realized that the gym was completely dark. 

"So Hiroki I'll catch up with you later! I need to talk to Yamato." A high pitched girls voice had cooed. 

Shit! I'd panicked, my eyes darting around for a place to hide. 

"Yamato-kun! Who was that girl you were talking to at the club the other night? Your girlfriend?"

Quickly I'd made a dive for the nearest trash can stumbling in my haste and landing head first into it. Yick, tomatoes. 

"Who Mimi?"

I'd froze, my heart seemed to stop.

"No, she could never be my girlfriend."

Suddenly the trashcan seemed like a rather fitting place to curl up and die. 

"Yeah, I guess she isn't your type. You think she was prettier than me?"

I gagged, though whether it from what she said or from the retched stink of the trashcan I couldn't say.

"Hey Matt, your here late, been studying?" I heard Izzy's voice from the down the hall.

Matt mumbled something I couldn't hear, I heard the girl with him giggle.

"Yeah whatever, take it easy Matt." Izzy said. I could hear the brief rattle of his locker as he opened it.

"They're gone now."

I peeked my head out of the trash and gazed up at him pathetically. He smirked when he saw the bits of paper and god knows what lodged in my hair.

"I was just getting a drink of water." I muttered, too embarrassed to look at him.

He just laughed eyeing me over once again. "Bad day?" He asked , and held out his hand to help me out.

"Bad?" I'd wailed, my eyes growing wet. "This has been the most disgusting, and not mention most smelly, day of my life!"

Izzy smiled sympathetically. "I won't even ask."

I cringed again at how horrible the memory of it was. How could I possibly have been so stupid?

It was still early in the evening and I decided to take a detour to the park, for it always helped me think things through. I carried my shoes and continued walking through the park letting the grass tickle my toes, and watching kids run by carelessly playing and shouting amongst each other. How I longed to go back to those days, being a kid was being truly free. And back then I was with Tai, everything was so much simpler then, everything was with him. Unlike with Matt.

Matt. No one confused, irritated, or frustrated me more. Though some how something seemed to endlessly draw me too him, like some mute voice I know is speaking to me but there are no words I can hear to help me understand. 

As I walked, I came to a bench where I sat down and just looked around letting my mind be at ease for at least for a moment. The sun was beginning to set, painting the sky with all the pretty pinks and oranges preparing it for the velvet blue, which was sure to come. The park was beginning to empty as all the kids went home. I closed my eyes trying to absorb the feeling of tranquility that seemed to come over the place. That was when I heard it: The sound of a rich deep voice softly singing the tune of a melody I had never heard before. 

I opened my eyes to look around to find where the voice was coming from. A tree not far away from where I was sitting, I saw a familiar figure sitting alone scribbling notes down on a piece of paper. My heart skipped a few beats; I knew that could have been no other than Matt, only his voice could so sound so mournful yet heavenly at the same time.

__

He's actually alone…this is my chance to finally talk to him, I thought biting my bottom lip. I held my breath, and headed toward him. 

When I got to the tree I leaned up against it beside him to take a peek at what he was writing. He looked up calmly at me, as if it was no surprise to him whatsoever that I would be there. It seemed as if he was almost expecting me. 

He when his eyes met mine a strange smile crossed his lips and looked thoughtfully down at his pad and pencil before tossing down onto the grass beside him.

"I had the weirdest feeling you'd come here." He murmured, looking off at the sunset.

"So then why did you come?"

Silence. His expression wavered a bit. I wondered if my mere presence irritated him. Growing somewhat irritated myself I continued.

"Seeing as how you've been avoiding me all week why stop now?"

"You sure make a lot of assumptions." He said dryly before he pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it. 

"I don't know what else to think, you tell me, how am I supposed to know what you think of me when you never even wrote me while I was gone. Not even once…" I whispered, my voice sounded sadder than I had intended it to be. I didn't even realize that it had made me sad till now.

"Is that why you've been so strange?" He asked focusing his eyes on mine. A light blush rose to my cheeks forcing me to look away; oh how I hoped he didn't notice.

"Look," he said softly and stood to look at me. "I'm sorry."

I didn't look at him, I still felt horribly unsatisfied. After everything that has happened a simple apology just didn't feel like enough. As I watched him slowly walk something in me grew desperate and snapped. 

"So that's it?"

He paused briefly in mid stride. "That's what you wanted to hear isn't it?"

"What? Is that the only reason you apologized? Because you thought I wanted to hear it?"  
He turned and looked impassively at me. "Which answer will make you stop asking me questions?"

"Oh." Fire. Anger. Rage. HATE! 

It occurred to me at that very moment, that never in my life had I ever hated anyone more than Yamato Ishida. I could do nothing but stare directly back at him until suddenly the image became blurred and distorted. Fat tear drops of anger welled up in my eyes and spilled down my cheeks before I could even stop them. 

Matt just looked away. "Mimi I didn't--"

"Well forgive me for ever trying to talk to you!" I cried. He looked up quickly shocked by my outburst. I was just as surprised. No one had ever made me feel so angry before in my life. He was the first one who has ever brought it out in me. "I should have known! I should have forgotten you just as easily as you'd forgotten me while I was gone!"

Matt's eyes burned. I turned away unable to look at him any longer, leaning into the tree feeling the scratchiness of the bark against my hands. 

"What can I say?" He started coldly. "Did it ever occur to you that maybe I didn't see a point since never in our entire friendship had we ever really talked? That I didn't write you cause I honestly didn't think you'd give a damn since I knew that Tai was the only one you wanted to hear from?" 

I jerked my head back to look at him.

"What?"

He just shook his head in disgust turning away to leave. "Forget it."

"No!" I yelled after him. "Wait a minute, what the hell does Tai have to do with this?"

He ignored me completely and just kept walking forcing me to run after him, trailing a few steps behind.

"Matt, wait!" I reached out for his arm but suddenly he stopped and turned, grabbing my wrist almost ruthlessly to stop it from touching him. I thought he was going to push me away, but before I even knew what was happening, his lips were suddenly pressed down hard on mine, kissing me passionately. I met his lips just as fiercely letting my arms take life of their own as they coiled around his neck pulling him closer to me. His arms grasped tightly around my waist pressing my body against his. We clung to each other as if we were the other's saviors in the world that was always falling. My heart raced fast within my chest as the kiss continued, I could feel his heart beating at the same pace, as though racing each other. 

He pulled away as though shocked by his own actions. "Mimi I--"

"No, don't say anything." I whispered and moved closer to him again. I leaned into him and softly kissed him repeatedly until I felt him respond, and once again became one. 

Any thoughts I had about anything but him vanished. Nothing seemed important but the fact I was here, wrapped safely in his arms, with him; that's all that mattered. 

My fingers slid up his neck and into his hair, I could feel him kiss the hollow of my neck in return. He gazed then, back into my eyes where I could so much more than I ever had, I felt as though I could almost drown, so many feelings brazed through those eyes, yet I couldn't place a label on any of them.

I knew from that moment, that this was where I belonged. As long as I had him I didn't need anyone else, for words with him were meaningless, we could understand each other by just looking into our eyes. 

I laid my head against his chest enjoying the smell of the musky scent of his cologne mixed with cigarette smoke and the smallest hint of sweat left from his earlier practice. I listened to his heartbeat as I felt him run his fingers gently through my hair, playing and teasing each strand. Neither one of us seemed inclined to speak, I guessed it was because we didn't want this moment to end...or maybe, more realistically, both of us to were shocked to speak. Though my mind refused to let myself enjoy this feeling completely. I couldn't stop thinking about what would happen tomorrow, if any of this was real. And the worst thought yet was...what about Tai?


	4. Part 4

A/N: Hiyee everyone! Once again I know it's been tragically long since I've updated this story. To be honest I think this story is slowly dying since I've been working on it for soo un godly long. But I've decided I'll continue to post what I have left of it, and hopefully I'll be able to finish it...I dunno though ^^;;;; I'm working on a brief prequel to this story written from Matt's perspective, so look for that soon!

Oooh yeah! And Much thanks to ssj_hotaru (who's also a very rockin writer! Go read her stuff now!) for all her great help and support!! 

Please R/R I live off reviews! Much love too all!!

Standard Disclaimer: ugh just read the first chapters.... ~,~

**__**

Part 3 

The nights we spent on Matt's balcony are memories I will cherish in my heart forever. On those nights, the stars were ours seemingly almost in our reach as we sat with our legs dangling off the edge enjoying the feel of walking on air. 

I was in a dreamlike state when I had first stepped into Matt's apartment building and walked with him up the creaky stairs. We reached his door at the end of a long hallway and I watched as Matt played with his keys a bit in trying to get the door unlocked. 

As I slipped off my sandals I looked around the quiet apartment. It was small and cramped with awkward looking couches, a television with a coat hanger antenna, an oddly shaped coffee table covered with newspapers and coffee mugs and an overflowing ashtray, and a dinning room table looking no more sturdy than a card table—in fact I think it was a card table. The smell of the place was pleasant though. Pizza and coffee and a hint of cigarette smoke whirled in the air as a cold air conditioner above the front door whirled and mixed it all together. Strangely enough I felt at home even though it was far different from my own.

"It's a mess, but Dad and I aren't exactly the cleanest guys in the world." Matt laughed softly and tossed his keys onto the dinning table. 

I smiled as he turned back to me a content look on his face as he slowly moved over to me and stroked my cheek and lips so softly goose bumps went up my arms. In my mind I kept asking if any of this was really real. Oh please, I silently begged, if this isn't real I never want to go back to reality.

"Here, let me show you something." He took my hand and gently pulled me across the living room over to a glass sliding door, which led us out onto his balcony. 

Seven stories up the city of Odaiba stretched out in front of us like twinkling stars trapped on earth. Cars whizzed by on the street below, the sound of honking and voices of people could be heard and the smell of gasoline drifted in the air but was blown away by a light breeze that smelled sweet from the flowers which hung nearby on his neighbors balcony. 

This was our place where we talked of everything yet nothing at all; where Matt would write me endless songs that we would both sing or that sometimes would make me smile or even want to cry. Even watching him gently strum his guitar made me feel that way. He was beautiful, his music; everything was so beautiful I could hardly stand it at times. 

We would laugh about the old days, about the things we've said to each other, and even about the simple lame things that happened everyday. His laugh was even more beautiful than his voice or the music he'd play, it was soft and smooth almost like the sounds of a flowing stream, like a tiny piece of heaven being released through him. It was my favorite sound in the whole world, all the more precious because he would laugh because of something I'd say or do. 

Matt's father worked most of the day and even throughout most of the night, this gave us the freedom to stay out on Matt's balcony as long as we pleased even into the early hours of the morning.

"Yeah my fathers' a workaholic." He said dryly when I asked about his dad. "He's been that way for a long time, ever since he and my mom got divorced."

"Does it hurt?" I asked softly, leaning up against the cold bars that kept me from falling. He turned his head and tried to smile at me.

"I'm used to it," he sighed off handedly, his voice heavy and deep and casual all at the same time. "My dad's never really been the lovey type anyway, I know he cares and all he just really sucks at showing it. I think that's why my mother left him, and why T.K is with her. I used to hate her for that: taking him away. It was easy to do so since well I didn't even know her, I still don't. Whenever we see each other she only talks to me very politely, you know the way you talk to people you really don't know you just are familiar with their face. I guess she doesn't want to get too close, I think it hurts her.

"T.K just adores her though, that's the only reason I try. Then again, T.K loves everybody, he's lucky that way, and since he was raised by her, she can't be that bad of a person if he turned out as well as he did.

"I used to wonder what it would have been like if maybe things were just a little different between my parents, or if I had been with my mom instead of Dad. Ironic though, isn't it? I vowed a long time ago I wouldn't ever be like my dad."

Matt laughed bitterly, his knuckles turning white as he tightly clutched the rail. My heart ached for his shredded one. My beautiful Love how is it that he has suffered so much and I have been so blessed to have life so good? How, as a child, could I go on living in pure bliss, ignorant to most pain in general, all that time Matt grew up in sadness? Why didn't I try to comfort him so long ago?

I slid myself so that I was kneeling behind him and I gently wrapped my arms over his shoulders and pulled him to me. He lay his head down in my lap; his eyes glistened while he gazed heavenward to the starry sky that too witnessed his story. A part of me wondered how I had become so honored to be able to hear it, when I knew that not even Tai or any of the others had.

I lowered my head down closer to his and gazed understandingly into his eyes. Matt hated sympathy, though in the pit of my heart I felt so much pain for him; I hid it with a smile as though nothing was really wrong. My hair created a thin pink veil around our faces hiding us from the eyes of the world. He smiled lazily and contently up at me, his eyes scanned my face as though searching to find an answer there.

"I know you wonder what things would have been like if only they were different." I whispered softly starring directly into his eyes. "But that is what makes up you. And I think everything about you is wonderful."

I stroked his cheeks lightly with the tips of my fingers, feeling the tiny traces of stubble along his chin, waiting patiently for a response while he reflected on my words.

He didn't say anything, instead the sweetest most beautiful smile I had ever seen formed on his lips. His smile reflected all the emotions of love and pain I had seen in his eyes; such as sweet smile not even I had expected to see it on my loves face. 

"Matt…" I breathed my eyes misting. "You did keep your promise to yourself. Your not like your father at all."

"Thank you." He murmured, as his hand reached up and pulled my head gently down to his soft lips in a kiss. A feeling that I had thought I lost in my childhood filled me suddenly. A feeling that reminded me of chocolate, of sunsets, of a warm embrace, and of toasted marshmallows. And Matt was the only one who could have brought it all back.

I wanted to become poetry, to become music just so I could find away to tell him how wonderful I thought of him, and most of all, how much I loved him. It had become an undeniable truth that Matt was the one I had longed for all my life. And no matter what happened, he would own my heart for all time. 

The end of each week was always my favorite time for it was the only time Matt and I could spend together in our spot. In school we saw very little of each other for neither of us were in the same class. But when the end of the week would come, I'd run to Odaiba Park to meet him under the tree where we first kissed. As soon as he'd see me, his face would take on a whole new light and I would run to throw myself in those arms I would dream of when we were apart. 

"So who else do you hold in your arms while I'm not around?" I'd tease gazing coyly up into his ocean deep eyes while he'd scowl. He'd then shower my lips in fiery cinnamon candy kisses, each one reassuring me that there was no one else only me. All of our problems melted away whenever we were together—at least they did temporarily.

Time had flown by, as it often does when one is in love. I didn't even realize that I hadn't spent any of my free time with anyone else but Matt, not even Sora. It never occurred to me that Tai called less and less, Izzy never offered to help me study anymore, Jyou never asked to go out for coffee just to have a interesting conversation, and Kari and Takeru no longer secretly asked me for advice when the other wasn't around. I hadn't even told any of them that Matt and I had a relationship, though I guessed they all knew. How could they not? Matt and I spent every free second we could with each other. Matt's band was really making a big hit across numerous clubs in town, so his schedule was full of practices and rehearsals. My heart ached every time we had to say goodbye, for it would always be a few days till we could see each other again.

Sora finally caught me one day after school as I said goodbye to Matt when he went to his band's practice. She smiled brightly when she saw me but her eyes looked sad and hesitant.

"Mimi!" She called before he ran over to me, her hair bounced around her face that was slightly rosy from the cold winter air outside. "Hey! I feel like I haven't had a single moment to just talk with you in forever!"

I giggled, oddly feeling that awkwardness like when you stepped on some bubblegum and keep walking with each step clinging to the pavement. I talked to her like we were long lost friends, which caused me to wonder, as I stood a few feet apart from her, if it had really been that long; we were after all in the same class. 

"I know, that's so weird too! We see each other every day even!"

Sora brightened. "Are you busy? I mean I wouldn't want to get in the way of your plans or anything, since you and Matt seem to have a lot of things going on and all." 

I noticed she didn't look at me when she mentioned Matt, she looked down at the ground as she toyed with some of her hair around her fingers. For some reason an odd feeling of irritation flashed through me. Sora had been my friend for what seemed like forever. She was always been the kind of friend who if you'd forget your lunch when you were a kid, would always give you her cookies or something else to share. She's the kind of person who, even now, stands up for those she loves and will take care of them no matter what. And now, my best friend who I had told all my secrets too as we grew up together, was standing feet away from me, and was reluctant to ask to hang out. I never even told her about Matt. 

I smiled sadly as I thought about all the times Sora had done so much for me and looked across at her, her eyes looked hopeful. 

"Sora, I'd love to hang with you now. There is so much I have to tell you."

Sora and I ended up sitting across from each other at a small cramped table next to a foggy window painted with snow covered trees and ribbons for the upcoming holiday season in a busy coffee house. We luxuriously inhaled deeply the sweet scents of the different blends of coffee, cakes, muffins and wafts of cinnamon, brown sugar and chocolate cream. We warmed our chilled hands against the warm mugs of steaming coffee, each filled with flavored cream of hazelnut and sugar.

"I still can't believe you and Yamato have been together all this time." Sora cooed in a dreamy voice as she ran her long, painted green, nailed index finger lazily around the edge of her cup. "The whole thing is just so romantic Mimi, you're both so perfect for each other."

I smiled thoughtfully and leaned into my coffee too take a careful sip from my cup, wondering if she was right. Though as I thought I couldn't think of anyone who I would have rather been with than Matt.

"So tell me all the details! When did he first tell you he loved you?" Sora asked leaning in closer, crossing her long pink legging covered legs; her arms hugged herself while her eyes shone big with romantic curiosity.

I blinked taken a little aback by her question and not really sure how to answer it. Matt still hadn't told me.

"Well," I started, "He hasn't exactly said yet."

Sora looked at me bewildered and leaned back into her seat. "You mean he's never told you? I don't get it then Mimi, aren't you worried or scared that he doesn't? I mean I think I'd be super freaked if I'd been with someone that long and they never said they loved me."

I bit my lip and thought on this as raised my cup to take another sip of my coffee. It was true that Matt had never spoken out loud that he loved me, even though time and time I again I told him.

"Hum, well then Mimi." Sora cooed changing the subject. "When are you going to tell every one hmm?" She giggled mischievously. "Or can I announce it for you?"

I felt a red blush creep up slightly on my cheeks, Sora just giggled at me more.

"You know Mimi, I'm throwing another classic Christmas party this year, and everyone is going to be there so you could announce it then!" Sora beamed. I cringed at the thought of just how Matt was going to take this.

At Sora's Christmas party, I slowly began to patch up the small tears that had come into my friendships. With much embarrassment and convincing, Matt, or more like I, let it be subtly known to everyone that we were together. Though no one seemed too shocked. Jyou's exact words had been "well it's about time." And T.K was more than overjoyed. 

"Wow, it's about time my brother finally got himself a girl. We were getting worried."

"You're one to talk." Matt muttered. T.K blushed sending a nervous look over to where Kari was standing to see if she had heard. She hadn't.

Everyone else seemed happy for us and party ran on smoothly. Matt and I danced our cares away to the Christmas music Sora blasted throughout her apartment; and I had foolishly thought that every thing would finally come together, that there would be no more problems. Matt spun me around and around in circles under the bright silvery lights Sora had hung on the ceiling. For some reason I suddenly realized Tai hadn't been there when I told everyone. When the room finished spinning and Matt pulled me back to him, we swayed back and forth to a slow jazzy version of "Have yourself a Merry Christmas." That is when I saw Him. I stared over Matt's shoulder as he strut in the door, soon to be greeted by Sora who skipped over to him in her short 20's style red velvet dress and embraced him in a playful hug. I knew it wouldn't be long before she or someone would make an innocent comment to him like "Aren't Matt and Mimi a beautiful couple?" I cringed inwardly at the thought. 

I knew immediately when Tai had found out for even as I watched he suddenly whirled around the room trying to find where I was. When our finally eyes met, a pin could have stabbed thousands of tiny holes in my heart from just the look of agony written on his face. I had to look away to stop the tears that were beginning to form in my eyes. 

Matt looked over my face looking slightly confused and concerned, I didn't even realizes I had stopped dancing; he nudged me softly with his shoulder. "Hey, you okay?"

I shrugged my shoulders and forced my tears back into my eyes before I looked up and gave him a reassuring smile. "Oh sorry. I just got distracted. I'm fine, just happy that everything is going so well." My eyes were sore and from the back of my throat I thought I could taste the irony of those words.

He smiled, his hand secretively, slid slowly over to mine and took it in his warm fingers. I tried to sink into the comfort his hand holding mine gave me, but as I saw Tai work his way over, I grew sick with worry. I noticed as Tai came closer, the look in eyes had changed from fury to a glazed happy look.

"Yo Matt, Mimi!" He smiled extending his hand to Matt. "Man I was totally surprised to hear about you two. Crazy." His eyes shifted back and forth between us and lingered momentarily on me. I could see the pain spreading through his eyes like an oil spill. He looked back on Matt, his voice sounded less enthused.

"Conrad's though, I'm happy for ya man." He shoved his hands in his pockets and smiled happily at the two of us, more at Matt actually; he didn't look at me again. 

Matt smiled back but looked bewildered at him. "Yeah thanks." Matt said coolly and turned back to me.

Tai cut in again, shoving himself between Matt and I. "Hey Matt, it's okay that I steal for Mimi for a dance right? Thanks a bunch!" He took my hands before waiting for a reply and whisked me off into the mob of happy dancers. I just barely got a peek of Matt's confused expression over Tai's shoulder.

"So when did this happen?" Tai mumbled just barely loud enough for me to make out. His brows were furrowed slightly together and his eyes darted around the room never looking at me. He held me awkwardly yet fairly pressed close up against him, his hand felt slightly damp but no less than mine. 

"What do you mean?" I asked dumbly, my lip quivered and I had to try my best to swallow back the tears that wanted so badly to let fall on my cheeks. I was glad I couldn't see his eyes for if I did I knew I wouldn't be able to hold them in any longer. I never knew someone else's pain could hurt so much.

"You know what I mean." He bit out, still not looking at me. "Mimi why? Why didn't you tell me or anyone for so long?"

"I didn't know how long it would last…" I sniffled and looked up at the ceiling. The lights looked blurry. 

Tai scoffed as if all of this was just too much for him to handle.

"Why him? Out of anyone why did you choose him and…"

"Not you?" I finished sadly, forcing myself to look at him. His eyes finally looked into mine and I wondered if he was crying inside. His usual cheery brown eyes were almost unrecognizable. I longed to do anything to take away his pain, to kiss away every single ache that tore at him. To bring back that happy carefree smile that brightened anyone no matter how low they felt. Though it finally hit me that it wasn't my place to do that now. I'm such a fool. I always knew how he felt, but how was I supposed to know he loved me that much?

"Mimi…" He sighed and pulled me all the more closer to him as if this were his last chance to ever hold me again. "Do you love him?"

A tear slipped down my cheek. Why did he have to ask that? 

"Yes." I whispered closing my eyes for I knew that that was the final sting to his already tortured heart.

"Pity me Mimi." He sighed. "For I don't know if I'll ever loose this feeling for you." 

"Please don't…" I choked out, when a part of me wanted to scream at him to forget me completely and break away from his tight embrace. It angered me that I was feeling guilty for not telling him, for being with Matt. I wanted to lash out at myself even, why did this bother me so much? Everything between us had been over, its history, just that. But his feelings scared me; and that nagging thought in my head wouldn't go away that if it weren't for Matt maybe I would have ended up with Tai. 

I wanted to run from him, to hide in Matt's secure arms and leave him to foolishly suffer on his own; for it was his own fault he wanted to keep these feelings, not mine. But no matter what the logic in my head told me, I couldn't do that to him; so I just stayed there and let him hold me close against him, at least until the song ended.

Cold slushy rain flew down from the sky that night, the steady beat of rain blended with the sound of the slow steady drum of Matt's heartbeat as I laid, curled up with my head resting on his chest, on the cozy over stuffed couch in his living room. The heater hummed on full blast as it tried to drown out the draft that came in from the glass door to the dripping balcony where Matt and I hadn't been in a long time.

The party had left me feeling drained and exhausted instead of refreshed. I closed my eyes and almost everything seemed to dissolve away except for the warmth that radiated through Matt's sweater, and the slight movement of his chest when he breathed.

"Mimi?" 

"Hmm?" I mumbled and rolled over lazily resting my chin on his chest and gazed into the two eyes of blue heaven that stared into me. 

"What was with Tai tonight? He didn't look very happy when he found out about us."

I sighed softly, I had hoped he didn't notice but I guessed Matt noticed a lot more than anyone else since he was never too busy talking. I wanted to avoid telling him in fear that Tai's and his friendship would be destroyed. Maybe it was inevitable.

"He loves me." I said softly and gazed sadly into his eyes. Matt sighed heavily and looked away in thought. I continued studying his face waiting patiently for him to reply. 

"Mimi," He finally looked back into my eyes and answered softly. "Is this what you want?"

"Matt, there is nothing more in the world I could possibly want more than you." I buried my face into his chest and clung to him as his arms snaked around my waist and back pulling me as close as possible against him.

This is where I belonged. Poor Tai. I didn't want to hurt him. He'd get over me eventually wouldn't he? What would happen if he didn't? Would I have ruined our friendship forever? I don't want to loose him; I don't want to loose Matt; or anyone. Is this my fault? Did I lead Tai on? I wish we'd all be happy…

"Matt dun ever leave okay?" I murmured sleepily against him. I felt his fingers gently pull the loose hair that fallen onto my cheek, away from my face. I could hear him speak though I could only hear the rhythmic beat of his voice, I couldn't make any sense of his words, for I had already sunken into the dark oblivion of sleep. Somewhere in the echo of my mind a warm feeling from his words lightened every space and corner of my heart as sunk slowly into the dream land. 

"I love you."

Did he really whisper it, those words I had so longed to hear? Yet in my sleeping state I only saw Tai's face as those words echoed over and over in my mind "I love you."


End file.
